Holiday Tips

DON'T wear your favorite Joan and David shoes to a tree lot where flocking is taking place. (Turns out, flocking is some kind of toxic particulate matter blown out of a spray hose with something akin to SuperGlue. And they don't just apply it neatly to the branches. No, they create a big fake blizzard just to the side of the tree as it whirls on a motorized revolving base, and hope that some of the bogus snow finds itself on the boughs. Trippy!)

DON'T take your asthmatic son to a tree lot where flocking is taking place.

DON'T take your sulky, opinionated teenaged daughter — who's cranky that the weather is balmy — to a tree lot where flocking is taking place.

And finally, DON'T use the little replacement Christmas light bulb with the red tip unless you want your home to look like the flashing neon entrance to a Malaysian brothel. (An effect some folks prefer, I realize.)

_____________ N E W S F L A S H ! ________________

My first-ever flocked tree is standing proud in our living room, and it is fabulous!