Warming trend

Earlier this week, I leaned down to turn off the electric heated seats in my car. Guess what? They weren't on.

And you know the little cans of compressed air people keep near their keyboards to blow off dust and dog hair and sesame seeds that fall off their bagels? They work great on sweaty, flushed fifty-year-old faces. Several times a day, I grab that can and blast away the effects of my broken down, midlife thermostat, my hair lifting and flying behind me like a Scavullo model.

Check me out, Paris Hilton. I'm HOT!